I don't write when I dont mean it

I don't call it when I don't see it
I don't wear tight pants because they are comfortable
or laugh when there's no reason to
I don't go out on a limb when I do not believe
there is a stem worth wrestling
Its not everyday
that I check myself twice before leaping
not everyday
that I spend a bit too long in front of a mirror
wondering if my wrinkles have grown too deep
or my eyes have been ripped too far open
I don't hastily dream
Or deal my cards on the table
just cause
I don't apologize freely
Its not everyday
that I plea with the gods
to make this a time worth living for
I'm deliberate when I choose to be
and I choose to be here
for this
for something
worth more than magnificent
worth more than possible
worth more than the seams that bind me
I don't climb walls unwillingly
publish myself
without intent
I don't fall asleep causally
or wreck houses unknowingly
I mean to intrude on your will
and to long for something real
I do not stand where I do not intend to
or hope for things
I do not plan on becoming.